August 2011
1 post
5 tags
Mock Baby Judgemented Blog at it's Best
surisburnbook:
Excuse me for not wanting to be seen with my mother’s pants.
I sat next to this for seven hours last night on a red-eye from LA to New York. She smells like Lycra and desperation.
February 2011
1 post
4 tags
My Weekend Is None Of Your Business
Excuse me Commonwealth Bank Teller, stop trying to be my friend. You are not my friend, you are my bank teller. Do your job rather than asking me what my plans are for the weekend. My plans for the weekend are none of your business.
January 2011
7 posts
5 tags
Australia Day Special
Excuse me Bogan, please stop accosting my eyes with your dirty Southern Cross tattoo. It is not cool and it is not patriotic. The Southern Cross is not only visible to “your” country, but to the SOUTHERN HEMISPHERE. We’re not even the only ones to have it on our flag. How about you spend less taunting the immigrants that ruined “your” country and more time googling national flags. Better still,...
3 tags
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Shoeloose
Excuse me dirty footed hobo who decided to wear thongs to a music festival. Why? Did you not realise that your feet would get trodden on by everyone around you? It’s not like you can mosh wearing those, which means you will then take them off and walk around bare-foot. I don’t know what I’d prefer, for you to wear thongs or no shoes at all. You’re only use now would be to get smashed and have...
6 tags
Flavour Fail
Excuse me new flavour of Twisties (chilli cheese) you are the worst tasting thing I have ever had in my mouth. You have no flavour. No worse, you taste as if someone sucked all the flavour out of a burger ring, dried you out, gave you a burning after taste of chilli and then placed you in a foil packet. Smith’s Snack Food Company, I want my $1.75 back.
5 tags
5 tags
Contact Someone Else.
Dear Bored Housewife, Stop thinking that people are interested in your boring inane life. They’re not. Do you really think that the person on the other end of your contact us email care? Do you really think that we “might be interested in seeing (your child) cooking up a storm”? We’re not. I don’t even know you. We’re not friends; I have no obligation to act like I care. I’m just the person that...
June 2010
4 posts
8 tags
Rain, Rain Go Away
Excuse me rain, but don’t you realise you are ruining everybody’s day? I don’t know what you’ve heard, but the city does not need you to replenish it. It is made of bricks and cement and does not take kindly to your overhaul of moisture. Why do you not hang out above dams where you are actually wanted? Or better yet, why not fill your time by combating your old foe drought?...
May 2010
9 posts
8 tags
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Please Vacate The Internet
Excuse me old man confused by the magic of technology, you are NOT allowed to call up tech support trying to watch video online when you do not understand the simple concepts of a computer, like using a scroll bar. If you do not know how to use a scroll bar to travel up and down a page, you are not allowed to use the internet. Please do not waste 19 minutes of alissakate’s time confused and...
5 tags
5 tags
4 tags
Spongebob Rectangular Pants
Excuse me Spongebob “square” pants, you do not indeed have square pants. I don’t know if you’ve ever seen a square, living in a pineapple under the sea and all, but squares are of EQUAL length on all sides.
I get that Spongebob rectangular pants does not sound as cool, but that is no excuse. Please refrain from polluting the youth of today with your lies.
6 tags
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7 tags
Cranberry Juice
Excuse me cranberry juice, please stop lying to me. You act like you are all sweet when I first taste you and then you turn tart…like Lindsay Lohan, or Miley Cyrus. Go back to being a sauce that is used once a year on an American holiday and stop raping my taste buds.
7 tags
Joint Email Accounts
Excuse me johnandjanedoe@hotmail.com aka Mr and Mrs Dependent. You do not need to share an email account. They are free. It will cost you nothing to have two separate accounts. What’s next, a shared Facebook account? I swear to God if you make a joint Facebook account I will throw up. Next you’ll think it’s a good idea to start sharing a toothbrush. Just think, it’ll help...