Excuse me rain, but don’t you realise you are ruining everybody’s day? I don’t know what you’ve heard, but the city does not need you to replenish it. It is made of bricks and cement and does not take kindly to your overhaul of moisture. Why do you not hang out above dams where you are actually wanted? Or better yet, why not fill your time by combating your old foe drought? I’m sure that is better deserving of your week than that you’ve spent with freeways and footpaths.

I know we’ve had some good times where I’ve been snug in bed, comfy in my doona and you’ve been outside NOT effecting me in the slightest. But I’m not in bed now, I’m venturing outside, and it’s just not on. I mean I enjoy wearing my wellingtons as much as anyone else (most likely more) but I can do that without the fear of being drenched daily for a week and then getting sick. Can’t you see that I like you better in small doses, like mustard. So rain, please be my mustard, and not my salt.